Stories from the Adoption Circle

Stories from the Adoption Circle

I decided that I wanted to publish a book of adoption stories after getting a copy of an eBook from a client who had been in foster care growing up.  The book contained stories from a half dozen others as well as his story.  

I have worked in the field as a social worker for over 40 years, most of the time spent working with foster and adoptive families.  I have worked for the Indiana Dept of Child Services in Child Protective Services as a Caseworker and a Supervisor, for The Villages of Indiana (foster care and adoption agency) as Clinical Director in 2 Regions and then had a full time private practice for 15 years.  I am the mother of five children, 2 biological and 3 adopted.  And my adopted children are African American and bi-racial, their father and I are White and Jewish. Our two boys came home to us as babies, and my daughter, who is fourth in birth order,  but fifth in arrival order, was 5 years old.   

I have heard many stories and reflections from birth parents, adoptive parents, adopted children and other family members in “circle” of adoption.  I wanted to gather stories from those who are within the various parts of the circle and decided to do a call out for stories for the book.  And because of my work over these many years, my connections include several well known experts in the field.  And these connections have been helpful to me in my call out for stories and to develop a resource section of the book. I received 40 stories representing the different parts of the “circle”.  I decided that I would make the book an eBook publication because I wanted it to be readily available at minimal to no cost.  I also felt strongly that these stories were not my stories, they belonged to each of the writers and it didn’t feel appropriate to be making money from the stories of others.

After creating the eBook, I received several additional stories and wanted to find a way to continue to publish more.  I also am interested in the stories becoming perhaps a conduit for folks to interact with one another.  My vision is that support groups may form, perhaps within the sub sections, e.g. birth parents developing a group, adoptees, foster parents of adopted children, connected others, such as godparents, CASAs, etc. And so, I am continuing to gather stories to print in Stories from the Adoption Circle: The Blog: the adoptioncircle.org

If you have a story to share, a poem, or an artistic rendering, please send it to me at connecthrulove@gmail.com   Your piece will be anonymous unless you indicate otherwise and of course, only you will know if you use actual names or pseudonyms to identify family members.  And if you have any questions or concerns, do email me. 

 

Elaine Spicer, LCSW 

 Read Stories from the Adoption Circle click on image below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vital Touch By Sarah Dalian

Vital Touch By Sarah Dalian

I’ve recently learned something that has sparked a lot of curiosity, and even a revelation.

When a baby is born, and it does not receive the vital touch that tells it it’s safe and protected, its body and brain begin to shut down*.

The first thing that happens to a baby when it comes out of the womb is it is given to its mother to be held.

So what happens when you are given up for adoption at birth.

Was I held by my mother in my first few moments of life? 

Did I receive that precious, nurturing touch? 

Or was I put into a holding crib and awaited my departure to the orphanage. I do not know.

But what I do know is that the brain is playable; it can recover, it can correct, it can transform.

I may not have been held a lot as a baby but look at me now. There is nothing I can’t do.

No matter the traumas we’ve endured, we have the ability to not only survive it but to thrive despite of it.  Our bodies and minds are not fixed objects, they eb and flow through our lives, and are always transforming. So use your gifts and super powers for the betterment of yourself.

*the importance and effects of physical contact on infants has been well researched. One example paper from the National Library of Medicine: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7502223/


Bio:

I am Sarah to most, Puma to some, and Dariya to my birth mother. I was born in Kostani, Kazakstan in 1997, and was given up at birth by my young and unsupported mother. Then subsequently placed into an orphanage, where I stayed for the first 4 years of my life.  One day, my Ukrainian adoptive mom and American adoptive dad came for me, and left with two other orphans to start a new family.  We were raised in Bloomfield Hills Michigan, which was thankfully an ethnically diverse part of the country thanks to the auto-industry attracting employees from around the world. Despite my adoptive sisters being from the same country as me, I was the only transracial one in the family.  I spent most of my life hiding my shame about my “otherness”, and my curiousity about my birth family.  That is up until a few years ago when I experienced an identity crisis and began working to re-discover myself.

The earliest photograph of myself, taken at the orphanage. Age unknown. 
 
Adopt Salon Constellation Support Group: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023

Adopt Salon Constellation Support Group: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023

FREE monthly open support group called ADOPT SALON CONSTELLATION for all members of the Adoption Constellation: First Birthparents, Adoptees, Former Foster Youth, Foster, Adoptive Parents, and Kinship Families. Ages 18 and above.

A place for the Adoption & Foster Care community to come together to share stories, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, receive psycho-education, process grief/loss, and build strong bonds and connections.

The group is facilitated by Adoptions/Foster Care Psychotherapist, adult adoptee Cathy Leckie Koley,  Adoptee and Intern.

5 – 7 pm Pacific Time
8-10 pm Eastern Time

Time and place are shown in the Events Calendar. Meetings held virtually via ZOOM until further notice.

Please register below to receive your ZOOM link for the event.

Cathy Leckie Koley BIO:

Trauma-Sensitive Yoga Instructor, Adoptee Speaker/ Writer / Educator. After reuniting with her birth family at age 43, Cathy found herself on an unexpected healing journey related to her own relinquishment. The process included yoga, through which she found significant healing, and a new career path.

As a yoga teacher since 2012, Cathy now teaches others about the adoptee experience, strategies for unearthing and healing adoption wounds, and mind-body practices that help with adoption-related difficulties. She trained in Trauma-Sensitive in 2014 with Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, and David Emerson, author of Overcoming Trauma through Yoga.

Cathy is currently pursuing an M.A. in Counseling Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute.

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Group: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2023

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Group: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2023

FREE monthly open support group for MEMBERS of the Adoption Constellation.

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups honor all paths to recovery, acknowledging that each person’s journey is unique and reflects their personal experiences and strengths.  All constellation members are welcome to attend. 

Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Groups meetings are hosted by a professional with expertise in recovery and adoption, both professional and lived.  These facilitated discussions provide an opportunity to give and receive social support that focuses on the hope and healing found in recovery, as well as to connect with others with shared goals of initiating and maintaining healthy choices and a recovery lifestyle.

This is a mutual self-help social support group, not a therapeutic process group. Our group focus is to have a conversation with each other and learn more about recovery from addiction. This group is for anyone who has suffered from addiction to a substance or unhealthy behavior and/or has been affected by the symptoms and/or disease of addiction, which includes family and friends. Our goal is to achieve long-term recovery (defined by SAMHSA as “A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential”), sharing what we have learned from many paths and diverse recovery-based programs.

TUESDAY
5:30 pm – 7 pm PST
8:30 pm – 10 pm EST

Time and place are also shown in the Events Calendar. Meetings will be held virtually via ZOOM until further notice.

Please register below to receive your ZOOM link for the event.

David B. Bohl, M.A., C.S.A.C., M.A.C. BIO:

David is a Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, Master Addiction Counselor, Independent Addiction and Recovery Consultant, and Relinquishment and Adoption Consultant at Beacon Confidential LLC, he is co-author of the monograph Relinquishment and Addiction:  What Trauma Has To Do With It, and the award-winning memoir Parallel Universes—The Story of Rebirth, which chronicles the author’s experiences within the intersection of adoption and addiction. He is a member of the National Association for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors (NAADAC), and an Advisory Board Member of Wisconsin Adoption and Permanency Support.

David was relinquished, adopted, and currently lives in southeastern Wisconsin and works around the country and world. He enjoys spending time with his wife of 38 years. He relentlessly pursues the Blue Mind (that mildly meditative state characterized by calm, peace, unity, and a sense of general happiness and satisfaction with life at the moment) that comes from being in and around the water.  

https://davidbbohl.com/

THERESA KNORR, CARC RCP

Theresa is an adopted person, a family member in recovery, and a family member of loss, and she works her own process addiction and mental health (relinquishment trauma) recovery program.  She obtained her OBC in January 2020 and reunited with her biological family members shortly after that.

Theresa has over 30 years of professional experience in counseling, coaching, and case management, primarily in addiction treatment and recovery.  As a former Credentialed Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselor (CASAC) in New York and CADAC in Arizona, Theresa has been a clinician, a clinical supervisor, and a program director.  She is now a Certified Addiction Recovery Coach (CARC) and CCAR-designated Recovery Coach Professional (RCP).

Theresa has been teaching, training & developing a curriculum focused on wellness, self-care, and personal growth for more than 20 years. She has volunteered in the community teaching meditation, tai chi, and esoteric psychology for over 20 years and has co-facilitated the Adoptee Paths to Recovery mutual support group for NAAP with David B. Bohl for over a year. 

Adoptive-Foster Parent Adopt Salon Support Group: Wednesday, April 26th, 2023

Adoptive-Foster Parent Adopt Salon Support Group: Wednesday, April 26th, 2023

FREE monthly open support group for Foster Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Kinship Families. Ages 18 and above.

A place for the Adoption & Foster Care community to come together to share stories, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, receive psycho-education, process grief/loss, and build strong bonds and connections.

The group is facilitated by Phil Weglarz, Adoptive parent, Psychotherapist/Expressive Arts Therapist, and Adoption Researcher.

7 pm – 8:30 pm  Pacific Time

Time and place are shown in the Events Calendar. Meetings will be held virtually via ZOOM until further notice.

Please register below to receive your ZOOM link for the event.

Phil Weglarz BIO:

In 2013, Phil Weglarz became a first-time parent of an infant through a private, local same-race adoption with an ongoing direct two-way relationship with his daughter’s birth mother. Prior to this, he had professional experience as an attachment-based play therapist and parent coach for birth/first parents seeking reunification, and foster-to-adoptive parents in an agency that specialized in working with children with co-occurring mental health and learning challenges.

Phil’s interest and specialty have always been trauma-informed, sensory-based, and creative modalities for parent-child and peer-to-peer engagement. He currently serves as core faculty and program chair for the Expressive Arts Therapy program at the California Institute of Integral Studies, based in San Francisco. Most recently, he completed a Ph.D. dissertation entitled, “Kaleidoscopes of Kinship: A Narrative Inquiry of Birth Fathers’ and Adoptive Fathers’ Experiences of Open Adoptions” (2022), in which he interviewed 5 birth fathers and 23 adoptive fathers about what it is like for them to belong to families created through foster care or private adoptions. This work has already been recognized by the Rudd Adoption Research Program at UMass-Amherst, and he will be sharing these intimate stories of men’s perspectives of adoption in various ways soon.