- Adoption reunions bring family members together.
- An adoption reunion is the continuation of a previous relationship.
- Triad members are connected forever, regardless of whether they actually meet.
- Adoption reunions can happen at any time – in open and closed adoptions.
- Searching for one’s birth family or children is a natural extension of genetic curiosity.
- Reunions can bring up many emotions – loss, grief, regret, hope, fears, gratitude.
- Each person will process reunion feelings at their own pace and in their own way.
- Being with groups of people who understand reunion and adoption can be helpful.
- Respect your stage of loss, mourning, and healing. Respect the other person’s too.
- Allow reunion relationships to unfold. Force and fear push people away.
- Letting go of expectations frees the other person to come forward.
- Maybe it’s not about you. Ask, observe, clarify.
- Holding on to hurt, blame, and regret binds you to the past.
- You may be creating the opposite action you desire.
- Fear leads to grasping – leads to backing off – leads to feeling rejected.
- “I’m sorry for anything I have said or done that may have hurt you.”
- You can release others without losing them or approving of their actions.
- Forgiveness releases the forgiver.
- You can always be gracious. Sometimes you need to strive for superficiality.
- It is what it is – birth, step, grand, adoptive.
- Boxes, letters, poems and art. Groups, politics, rallys, and blogs. Kickboxing and knitting.
- You can play the adoption card – or not.
- Who are you without the adoption piece?
- What lessons have you learned from your experience with adoption?
- What are you holding on to? What would happen if you let go?
- Old habits die hard. New habits often bring freedom.
- How can you make your life whole, peaceful, loving, kind, and meaningful?
Marlou Russell, Ph.D. is a psychologist specializing in adoption issues, an adoptee in reunion, and the author of Adoption Wisdom: A Guide to the Issues and Feelings of Adoption. Visit Dr. Russell’s website www.marlourussellphd.com for more information.
ADOPTION WISDOM offers insight and understanding of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. Includes chapters on Adoption Awareness, Basic Truths of Adoption, Search and Reunion, and an Ideal Adoption. ADOPTION WISDOM is a book for anyone who wants to kinow more about the lifelong impact of adoption.
